It’s hard enough for your singleton (especially a first child) to adjust to a new baby, let alone 2 new babies! Not only will they go through attention withdrawal, but it will be double. And most likely, that “handsome little boy,” or that “pretty little girl” that everyone on the street used to ooh and aah over will be overlooked for those “cute little twins!” So here are some things to help your singleton transition into big brother/sisterhood.
During Pregnancy:
1. Prepare them early. As soon as you’re ready to tell, explain how life will change. Babies will need a lot of attention. They will cry, eat, and need diaper changes frequently.
2. Emphasize the important new role they will be playing as a “big” sister or brother. Some may be too young to fully understand, but continue to talk about it- positively.
3. Involve them in the process. Bring them for an ultrasound visit. Let them help pick out new outfits, blankets, toys, etc. Even let them come up with name ideas. The only problem that may arise is the disappointment when you decide NOT to name the babies Lilo and Stitch.
4. Encourage positive interaction. Have them talk to, sing to, and “play” with the babies in mommy’s tummy. Let them feel the babies kicking. This will also help them understand the babies are something tangible.
5. Sign up for a soon-to-be sibling class. Many hospitals offer these preparation classes for kids to learn how to hold a baby, what the birth will be like, and even discussions about their feelings about having a sibling. Call your local hospital for information.
6. Visit friends/relatives with babies. There’s nothing like hands-on practice…
7. Plan for “milestones.” Many toddlers regress in certain areas when a new baby comes home. (i.e. potty training, sleeping) So if you’re planning on potty training, moving from a crib to a bed, bottle to sippy cup, either do it early enough before the babies come to have time to adjust, or wait a little while after they’re born to change.
After Birth:
1. Involve as much as possible. This is the time to practice holding, feeding, and changing diapers. You might even let them pick one to always be in charge of.
2. Set aside one-on-one time with your singleton. While they might love being a second “mommy” to the new babies, they will also need some alone time. Take time to do the things you used to do together.
3. Be sensitive to their feelings. They might have times when they’re mad at the babies. And they might not be able to tell you in words. No feelings are wrong, so help justify those feelings of jealousy, frustration, and annoyance. (However, don’t allow the physical actions that sometimes come with those feelings).
4. Read books that relate. I have seen a few books specifically written for kids with younger twin siblings. Some specifically focus on the singletons’ feelings. Click here for a previous post about children’s books on twins. (This is also a good idea for pregnancy as well).
5. Respect that they may not want to talk about their new babies. And possibly let family and friends know that they won’t want to be asked about them everyday either.
I occasionally find some cute twin clothes that I can’t pass up. We currently own t-shirts that say “Yes, we’re twins!” and “I love my wombmate!” But I found this great site with thousands (literally) of twin designs for your kids, you, and even for grandma and grandpa. They even give you the option of putting designs on t-shirts, bibs, onesies, mugs, and magnets. For example, The top 5 things NOT to say to a mom of twins are: