Not Equal…Equitable
It’s a constant struggle in my head to make sure I treat my girls “equally.” And I was shocked when my husband actually asked me if I loved one more than the other! As it turns out, I would always tell him what Morgan had done… she’s rolling over, she’s crawling, she’s walking, etc. But she just happened to do all those things first, and I guess I didn’t show as much enthusiasm when Kendall did those things too… a few days later. So, as my girls got older, I was (and am) very aware of how much time I spend with each one, how often I hold each one, how harsh I discipline each one, etc. After 2 years of this, I’ve come to learn a very important lesson:
You can’t treat your twins equally.
That’s probably not what you expected to hear… but the more I thought about it, and forced my “equality” on my children, the more I realized I wasn’t letting them be their own person. It’s not that I favor one over the other, they just need and respond in different ways. You can’t treat them the same. I have one “loving, cuddling, sensitive” child who when I raise my voice about anything, cries. My other one is a “rambunctious, carefree, tough” girl who laughs at me when I try to discipline her. And when I try to spend more time sitting and holding my “tough” girl, she wiggles out of my arms, not wanting me to touch her at all. But, she loves it when I run around with her, tickle her, and play with her. So, the solution, and the second half of the lesson I learned:
Treat your twins equitably.
Equitable doesn’t mean the same, it means “fair and impartial.” So find out each child’s personality. Treat them how they need to be treated. As long as as they each feel loved in their own way, chances are you’re not favoring them. This might not be an issue until you can really start seeing their personalities. But the problem comes when they’re old enough to discipline. Do you punish them in the same way for the same crime, even though one may cry and the other may laugh?