Schooling twins: Should you separate?
As your twins approach Elementary School, a big question in your mind may be whether or not to separate them. Well, unlike the multiple-choice quizzes they will face in school, this question has no right answer. I found a great article at about.com discussing the benefits of each side. Here is a brief summary of the article (with a few of my own ideas), and the issues to consider in deciding to separate or keep your twins together:
Reasons to Separate
- Avoid Confusion: Even though you may think your twins look different, it’s easy to mix up identical and some fraternal twins. A teacher and many students will have a hard time learning who is who.
- Avoid Distraction: Kids have a hard time paying attention anyway, especially when they’re with friends. Twins already have that built-in best friend… and who better to distract you through any class.
- Avoid Comparison: From the time your twins were 3 months old, people were probably asking, who rolled over first, who walked first, who’s bigger, who talks more, etc. Now multiply that times 30 other students… who runs faster, who is smarter, who is fatter?
- Suppress Harmful Competition: Usually as an outcome of comparison, twins might feel the need to compete. Sometimes it’s healthy for a little motivation, but other times it may do more harm than good.
- Decrease Dependency: Sometimes the relationship between twins can be co-dependant (equal), while other times one twin may be much more dominating and independent, making the other twin more dependant. Separation may help the more dependant twin.
- Foster Individuality: This can go along with all previous topics… Being separated may help with all-around individuality; learning and improving personal strengths, making individual friends, etc.
Keeping Them Together
- Unique Twin Bond: While there seems to be less “scientific” reasons why you should keep your twins together, this one reason may out weigh all of them. Twins have a very unique bond that cannot be understood by others. Forcing separation at any age, even pre-birth, can have traumatic consequences. Because twins have been together their entire life, they may be confused as to why they can’t be together, and they even may get the impression that being is a twin is wrong or bad. Twin Services, a non profit resource and consulting service for families with multiples, explains it this way: “Twins and triplets just starting school usually benefit from the social support they give each other when they are in the same room. They seem to find it easy to engage in different activities when they have the option of being together. When they are forced to separate into different classrooms, they get the message that there is something wrong about being a twin or a triplet. They may suffer emotional stress from worry about their absent co-twin(s) and find it difficult or impossible to do their school work.”
- Work load as a Parent: While this reason is not nearly as the others discussed, it’s an issue that was brought to my attention by other mothers of twins I know. Homework seems to be getting more in-depth and difficult than when we as parents were in school. So helping out your children with schoolwork will be easier when the assignments are the same. (This may not be much of an issue if the curriculum is the same- but it doesn’t mean specific assignments will be the same).
Coming to a Conclusion
- Talk to other parents: Listen to the pros and cons of each side from other parents of twin/multiples. Sometimes there is nothing better than a first-hand opinion.
- Talk to your twins: Your twins will certainly have an opinion about the subject, so take into account their feelings.
- Go with your gut: Sometimes the best decision is just what our gut feels is right. You don’t need facts to back up your choice. Just do what you feel is best for your twins.